by Team WellJoy
“We celebrated Pickle’s 14th birthday yesterday, and while she’s got a few more greys she’s still full of energy. We’re not there yet, but we know that one day we might have to make hard decisions about saying goodbye.”
Being a great Pet Loyalist means looking after your pet through every stage of their life – helping them learn about the world, understanding what they love to do, and giving them the space they need when they’re ready to slow down.
Being a great Pet Loyalist means looking after your pet through every stage of their life.
So, how will I know it’s time?
This is perhaps the most difficult question, and is dependent on your pet’s situation, and whether they have an ongoing illness, a new diagnosis, or are moving through the natural aging process.
Signals that your pet’s quality of life is declining can include:
- Being in pain much of the time: with little or no option to ease that using medication.
- A loss of appetite: they’re not running to the food bowl like they used to.
- A sense that they’re withdrawing: they might be less enthusiastic about playtime or their normal cuddle.
- Not moving around as much as normal: you notice that they’re more restless or their favorite spot on the sofa doesn’t seem as comfy as normal.
- Changes in mood: pets that were once happy-go-lucky might seem grumpy or growly.
- Vomiting, diarrhea or incontinence: these accidents or changes in their routine can be a sign that your pet is struggling.
By keeping an eye on all these things, Pet Loyalists can understand if their cat or dog is having more bad days than good ones.
How should I handle the conversation?
If you feel like your pet is having more bad days than good, it makes sense to have an honest chat with your veterinarian.
They can help you understand how your dog or cat is being affected on a day-to-day basis, and discuss options. It’s a nerve-wracking conversation but it’s one that veterinarians are used to having – and they can give guidance on the best possible next steps.
Having an open discussion with the whole family is also important, so that everyone can understand the situation. It helps to focus these on quality of life, ensuring that any decision is based on what’s kindest for your pet.
If you have younger members of the family, the best policy is to be gentle but honest. Use clear, simple language that explains what’s going on – “their body isn’t working anymore, and we’re helping them not hurt” – and avoid phases like ‘put to sleep’, which can be confusing. Make sure they have the chance to ask questions, and explain how they’re feeling.
The days before your pet’s appointment can also be tough, and anticipatory grief is a very real thing. Pet Loyalists will choose to spend these last days in different ways, but revisiting favorite places, enjoying special treats and just being alongside one another are all valid ways to use that time.
And remember: saying goodbye should be an option rather than an obligation. Some people will find that moment helpful, while others might prefer to remember their pet differently.
What happens on the day?
Usually, veterinarians will sedate your pet so that they can relax and fall into a sleep-like state. Once they’re fully relaxed, they’re given medication that gently stops their heart. For your pet, the experience will feel just like drifting off to sleep.
Some people may have the option of the veterinarian coming to their house, while others might decide to take their pet into the practice. Either way, rest assured you’ll be supported through every step.
You’ll have the option to be present, maybe with a favorite blanket or toy, and veterinarians will ensure your pet has a quiet, comfortable space, and that you’re given as long as you need to be with them before and after.
There’s no right or wrong way to say goodbye – it’s a very personal decision – but clinics are usually happy to honor requests, for example playing a favorite song or having another pet present.
You can also think about how you might want to remember your pet, by asking your veterinarian if they offer any special keepsakes, and perhaps by taking clippings of their fur or making paw or nose prints. Another idea to commemorate your pet and keep them present in your day-to-day life is to plant wildflower seeds where you bury them.
What’s best to do in the days after?
It’s very normal for your home to feel empty, and for grief to feel overwhelming. Importantly, Pet Loyalists need to give themselves a chance to process what’s happened. There’s no set timeline for how you feel, and no single ‘right’ way to cope – for example some people might want to put their pet’s things away, while others might prefer to keep them in the house as a reminder.
Stay in touch with family and friends that can offer you support, and who understand the bond you shared. There are also dedicated hotlines and counseling available, often staffed by veterinary students or specialists.
What about other pets that might be grieving?
It’s very normal for other pets in the family to grieve, and they’ll need time to adjust.
They might have less appetite or show changes in behavior, and it’s possible they’ll look for their missing companion, or wait in places they’d expect to see them.
The best way to help pets (and yourself) is to maintain a normal, consistent routine. Keeping to their usual dinner and walk times gives them a sense of stability amid this big change. Offer extra affection and reassurance if they’re seeking it, or let them have space if they’d prefer.
Over time, most pets will adapt. Usually any behavior change is temporary and after a period of time they’ll return to their usual selves – in some cases, even forming a deeper bond with their human or animal companions.
Kindness is loyalty
Helping your pet to pass peacefully is an unbearably sad moment, but it can help to reframe it as an act of kindness. Pet Loyalty means showing up every day, but it also means a final expression of love as they come to the end of their life. The ultimate way to honor your relationship is to give relief when pets are in pain or suffering, and allow them to pass peacefully and with dignity.
“Euthanasia is one of the hardest decisions we make, but it can also be one of the most compassionate. I believe euthanasia is a gift, the ability to offer compassion and relief to a pet who is suffering. I can’t think of a more meaningful way to honor the love and life you’ve shared than to help them transition peacefully, with dignity and comfort.”
Kathryn Miller DVM, CVFT, CPFFCP, CVNAN, PCQI, PAS Director of Veterinary Services at BSM Partners.
We’re proud to say that all of WellJoy’s content is fact-checked and verified by a Pet Loyalist team, including a veterinarian trained in companion animal nutrition and a PhD board-certified companion animal nutritionist.